Dearest Rylee Lorraine,

Two days ago you had a severe reaction to bacon. Yes, bacon. I'm hoping you grow out of this allergy because frankly, that sucks. You had really bad hives all over your body for two days. After two days of benedryl induced fog your spots are gone and you are basically your normal crazy self.

Until mommy runs out of Tylenol. Events are as follows:

No Tylenol. While reaching for other means of headache suppression, watermelon falls on floor and explodes.

Great.

While cleaning up watermelon, dog pees on floor. Mop op pee. You face plant into tile while trying to cross wet floor. Screaming begins.

I pick you up and console you, dog poops on floor, somehow pushes it out of crate.

I turn to get paper towels, poop is now in your hand.

I rush to get it from you, vigorously wash hand. Carry you back to living room to get binkie. You grab shirt. Poop on other hand. Vigorously clean other hand.

Scream at dog. Damen scolds me. "She's just a puppy!!!"

You are still screaming.

I ask Damen to get your bottle, knocks over full cup of sunflower shells in process. Still screaming.

You won't settle down to fall asleep.

I slit my throat with butter knives and jump off of balcony.

Household social structure collapse, building fires ensue. Damen escapes with you. Continue destruction of city, state, and country.

Eventual world destruction imminent.

Apocalypse.